In my college sorority, we have a tradition called The Giving Book. This is a little journal that gets passed from member to member every couple of weeks. The giver of the journal has written something sentimental or memorable to the recipient and passes it off to them during a chapter meeting. The said recipient, in turn, becomes the giver and chooses a new sister to write for and/or about in this book.
My college chapter meeting days are long over; however, one of my pledge sisters (we'll call her Shlee, for short) retained possession of The Giving Book upon moving out of the sorority house after our senior year. Shlee, two other pledge sisters and I have been enjoying girls' weekends since finishing college back in 1998. In 2007, it was decided that we would continue the tradition of The Giving Book among the four of us. The entries would be based on current events in our lives and would serve as a way to keep up with each others' significant events beyond just our girls' weekends.
Shlee mailed me The Giving Book in early 2008 in which she described her 2007 holidays with friends, family and new baby. For me, the plan was to write about the February 2008 birth of Baby #2 and the subsequent adjustment to life with two children. That entry never happened because my family's life spun out of control.
In July 2010, I finally sat down with The Giving Book and spilled my guts about my life for the past two years. It was the first time I had put down in words all that had occurred and all that I had learned from my experiences. Here it is in its entirety:
Wow! So much for our big plans of passing our Giving Book around every three months or so. I've now had it for three years! When I received it from Shlee in January 2008, how was I to know the amazing and tumultuous journey I was on the verge of embarking? And how do I condense it to just a few pages here but still convey the magnitude of the personal journey I've taken?
The last two years of my life have been undeniably the most challenging and most self-revealing years of my life. I can honestly say that I have grown the most through the events that have taken place since 2008.
Having a second child and buying a franchise within one month of each other didn't seem like it would be a big undertaking. I mean, I had always bitten off more than I could chew and made it work somehow. However, several things were left unconsidered. First, starting your own business generally requires long hours of work - like 7 days per week at 10-12 hours per day. Second, each person only has a certain amount of energy to go around. Working all day, taking care of two small children and staying up late at night to finish more work is a definite strain on your body and your relationships. Third, the particular business I purchased predominately employs young, college-aged kids. I can't convey the angst I dealt with due to the flakiness and lack of commitment this particular genre of employee possesses. Finally, each and every day, I was hit by my own guilt stick with moms bringing their kids to the gym for class while my two babies were being cared for by others.
I clearly remember the Sunday in August when my alarm went off for me to get showered and up to the gym for birthday parties. I shut off my alarm, started crying and told Patrick flat out, "I'm not going." I didn't care what happened. I was not getting out of bed and going to that gym. I was done....emotionally and physically. You see, for quite a few weeks prior to that day, I had been hysterically crying each morning. I had been suffering from anxiety attacks. I had lost 12 pounds in the space of two months. I had had enough.
Luckily for me, my husband stepped up and took charge. He became Mr. Mom. He made me go see a therapist and get on some post-partum depression medicine. He made me sit down and make a list of the things that needed to be done to dig myself out of this hole. He made me follow through on this list and not get bogged down in the weeds. He was my rock. In all reality, he was scared to death. Here was his strong wife who had always succeeded at her endeavors...and she was a non-responsive, depressed and hopeless mess.
I won't bore you with the story of turning all this around. Suffice it to say that we did get our life back and do still own the gym. Today it provides a lifestyle that is more than bearable. It is pretty darn great right now.
So what have I learned from this life experience?
First, I have learned exactly what is precious and important to me. Sure, I love making a nice living and have a career. But the true measure of my self-worth is having a happy, well-adjusted, loving family that enjoys spending time together and making beautiful memories.
Second, I have learned that God will provide if you lean on him. It's amazing looking back over this journey and seeing His hand in it all. Just when I would think that I was at my end, He opened a door or provided an answer. When something bad or challenging would happen, it was later that I would realize He was setting things up for an even better option to surface.
Third, although I am still on a journey of self-discovery, I have never felt so grounded and real as I do now at this point in my life. I am at peace with myself and don't feel the need to try and be all things to all people. I have no one but my family and God to impress. It's such a liberating feeling to know that I can just be me.
Fourth, one of the best decisions I ever made in my life was marrying my Patrick. He is the most solid, most committed, most trustworthy human being I've ever known. He loves me unconditionally and has the most solid set of morals and virtues I have ever known. He is honest to his core and has an unshakable faith in God. I am truly blessed to go to sleep by his side every night and wake up next to him every morning.
So, in closing, I hope that my next go-around with this book will be a fun entry with tales of my family's antics. I just wanted to put into words for some of my best girlfriends in the world what the past two years has taught me!
